November 12, 2017

Disappointment.

To be blunt, I'm trying to work through loads of feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and angst. Also, a whopping amount of disappointment. I know, "we're all at this point in our lives where we have to focus on ourselves". But what a dumb excuse. If that's the way it's going to be, continue to write me out of your life.

I write that previous sentence from an extreme place of hurt. I don't think I've been expressing my hurt well, caught wondering if it's unkind to do so? I'd describe myself as moody, quite surly, and grumpy. Part of me wonders how much of this is hormonal and how much is me failing to figure out how to be an actual adult who has their ish together. It's painful to be around others I consider more experienced, more everything. It's easy to diagnose others as perfect when you're feeling not-so-perfect yourself, eh?

They aren't the enemy.

Still, I cannot tell you how much I wish to be so, so alone these days.

The disappointment and comparisons have been becoming too burdensome and destructive...