January 16, 2009

I was a little girl; alone in my little world.

"Poetry shall teach thy soul, and with it, you and I shall thrive."--Myself.

I have a putrid headache. I keep drinking water, but it has yet to cease. How annoying. Having a full taste of everything workout in Aerobics might have something to with it. I had sweated. I suppose later the abnormal cold outside cooled me down, anyway. Ha, I love my art teacher - she gave us hot chocolate! And I have Art second period, right after Aerobics, and well, it all worked out.

I had a History Paper 1 today. For those of you unfamiliar with the termonology, it's just Cambridge, England's fancy way of saying "test." It consists of two questions you may choose from to answer parts a, b, c. Part C is supposed to be an essay, so more than a page and half with plenty of analysis. Let me just say they grade tough to get us prepared. The first one I ever took at the beginning of this school year I completely bombed. We're talking a 55 with a 30 point curve. Most recenty I think I scored a 93? But even with that there was a mild curve. At least I've gotten more of the hang of it. Good riddance to the Civil War. Oh, wait, we have to cover it next year, too for U.S. History! It's so silly to do it that way. I particularly don't find it all that interesting, regardless. Compared to other parts of the worlds, the United States is young. Hardly much history to delve into. I believe we're starting Meiji Period in Japan next, though. Also known as what Puja, Swanny and I covered for our project. Talk about depth. Even though I've been pre-exposed to the topic, I hope I can still keep up.

Psh, vocab quiz for English was ridculously easy. I got way too carried away in my short story using five of the words. Ahhh. We're going to start reading Animal Farm by George Orwell when we get back next week. I've heard it's a good book (and relatively short).

I think that's about it of the new and (somewhat) exciting school news. The social scene is another story. I feel like taking pencils and shoving it down people's throats. Yes, I know, these violent urges/fantasies should not turn into reality...it's just so hard. Maybe my biggest issue/problem/whatever is when someone takes a well-known truth, then states it matter of factly as if I would've never heard it before. I cried myself to sleep last night, facing the wall. I do realize I'm some to blame for unleashing this madness, but I just don't want to hear it. I'm haunting my own soul by provoking others to say something hurtful unintentionally and backhandedly when I speak a compliment or kind words. It's horrible. I'm making good people look like bank robbers through my eyes. Wow, this is complicated.

I've given up my passion for photography. Any spark, any desire, any will to do it is gone. I know why and I'll come out with it when I can express it well in words. As of now. it is a collection of phrases swirling around in my mind. It may stay that way for a while. I apologize to lead you on with such curiousty only to leave you hanging...

My mom remarked "good thing, we didn't buy you a good camera. A little too late on the photoshop." And I rebuttled I could still use it to edit normal digital cameras. If I continue taking pictures, that is. As I said, I'm losing interest. Rapidly. Art and writing are more for me.

I can't keep twisting into this contorted ball of unhappiness. As Gary the would advise, "it's baaaaaadd." Okay, sorry, lame pun. Joke. Ha-ha. Moving on... One thing did momentarily make me joyous: in Biology we moved seats, but Will was walking by and he touched my back very softly and said hey. Oh, I was witnessed Stephen and girlfriend kissing intently at the bottom of the stairs to 7th period. (It's not a like I stared or anything. Eww.)

Alright, I'll leave you guys with a poem I wrote just last night. It's not atonshingly well written, but tell me your thoughts? Please and thank you.


Loved

I think that's the last
Major discussion we had
I was upset, distressed
and perhaps a little misguided
I never though he'd set me on path
But I listened to his words nonetheless
"If you want to be loved, go find it"
or something like that.
Then I suppose I didn't.

Still confused, he went on to explain
You don't need a boyfriend to be okay
You don't need the significant other
You'll have enough love from a brother
And mother
Or whatever you have

Now, I'm more lost that ever
I'm avoiding contact, true feelings
Unwilling to uncover true meanings
and battling with these human beings

Yes; maybe I'm an alien
A super smart alien perhaps
Yet I'm convinced I'm nothing more.
That until I am loved by a guy
My life is unfulfilled, unsatisfied
Incomplete
I am losing hope as fast the
lightning strikes
and eyes blink
I'm letting too much pass by as
I continue to wonder
What does it take for me to be loved?

6 comments:

  1. DUDE! I am so sorry! I had no idea you commented.

    By the way, are you from Meh? Like, the blog on Red? I LOVE THAT BLOG.

    *cough* Sorry...

    Nice poem :D.

    Bah, I have to go blog.

    Did you ever find my main blog? Sorry I couldn't it the URL here...

    ReplyDelete
  2. 't takes acceptance
    it takes, a poem?

    "Sorry I don't in talk poetry. I just wander up long past midnight muttering things that happen to rhyme." -Me

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ha ha.

    Ha ha ha.

    Ha ha HA HA.

    Ha.

    Sorry...I'm bored.

    That's is one awesome blog.

    I was so sad when you disappeared.

    BUT YOU WERE HERE THE WHOLE TIME.

    Ha ha ha.

    It's awesome. Way better than I could ever do. Way better than most people could do.

    Yay! You found it. I update a wee bit more on that blog than this blog, as you can see.

    ReplyDelete
  4. *gasp*

    Hmm. You know what sucks? I started blogging in fifth grade, ended it right before sixth started, then started it up again right after sixth ended. Sixth was the most interesting year, by far. Oh, the stories I could tell...

    Sorry. That reminded me of that.

    Bah. Thats mean.

    I only do that to people I don't like ;)

    Oooh, that sounds fun!

    I've...never watched it. But I've heard of it! That's a step in the right direction, no?

    What's it about?

    I'm a Heroes kinda person myself. They haven't had a show in FOREVER.

    I think the season finale came already though...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I like the poem, story of my life. Or maybe every teenage girl's life.

    Actually I did start reading Crank at the bookstore yesterday, I didn't finish but I got to page 130. It was pretty good, a page turner.

    How the frak did you get a calender of him? Hmph. Now I'm stuck with cute kittens and photos of Paris.

    Thankfuilly, I finished Veronica Mars which means I have no excuse not to read about John Lennon. But I'm still on the computer, not cool.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I feel like taking pencils and shoving it down people's throats.

    DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?! Ahaha. I would call it an unhealthy desire. Some people are just too ignorant to be healthy and well.

    I am sorry for you sadness, though :(

    ReplyDelete