January 09, 2009

Tears stop right here.

I tried to write before, but I was disappointed in its quality and thus went on to delete it. I haven't been inspired to say anything before either. Nothing of much note has been happening. I have been extremely tired lately. Even after a 11:30 to 6:20ish worth of sleep I'm barely able to keep my eyes open, much less be entertained and happy about things in life. My apathy is swelling inside me and I don't really know how to deal. I think I'm going to take a break from confiding in friends. Not that they aren't a good outlet I can go to, I just stress over that detail of speaking to them in addition to my problem, which half the time is made out to not to be an ordeal and I'm silly to ever think it was. I over-react. I've come a long to way accept that it may never change. It's merely part of who I am. Therefore I'm taking the initiative to not get into situations where I could conceivable over-react. There's only havoc to be wrecked if I do, and I just can't take that. I'll go see a shrink, (therapist; whatever) if this worsens.

A good piece of news earlier this week: I learned I'm having my drawing of turtles be put on display in the mall. My art teacher loved it, and I had a high-soaring feeling the rest of the day. Getting a 100 on my history exam was an added booster. Next day, it didn't matter. The world moved on. No lasting gratitude; at least not much yet? I'm going to have to get used this. Life doesn't always repeatedly pat you on the back for any single accomplishment. Unless you're Lincoln, or another famous person from history or something.

New schedule at school. I can officially say good-bye to Career Research. I passed with flying colors and there will be no need to repeat that dreadful excuse for a class. Hallelujah. That is until the State Legislature or District School Board goes completely wacko and requires a similar class every year. With this, I can also semi bid ado to Stephen (Lordy, I still don't know how to spell his name!) although we talked the grand total of once and it ended awkardly. Does that count? I still sometimes wonder if I made a lasting impression, but that notion is quickly swept away when I notice him and his girlfriend lip-locking on my way to seventh period. Yeah, I think it's safe to assume not.

To replace that semester class, I have aerobics. On the first day--which was Thursday this week--I recognized a few faces. And to think I had gotten rid of them! A few guys, too. Hey, if that's their choice, so be it. I don't say that out of sake for their cuteness...I think in order for that to work that'd have to actually be attractive. Brutal, but honest. I don't know if I'll make any lifetime long friends out of anyone. That's okay, I'm there to get in shape, not gossip or engage myself in conversations. If I come off as a loner, that's fine as well.

My lips are chapped. Must be due to all this cold weather we're having lately. (Well, it is January after all. What did you expect? To be getting a tan?) I am also pudgier than I want to be. Not much I feel even willing to address that. Aerobics would be one thing, though I probably should be getting out and doing other things.

Tomorrow I am volunteering at my middle school for a lego tournament. There's a chance I'll get to hang with Nikki and Dani there. Why? Well, they're helping out as past of the senior robotics team in charge of running the whole sha-bam. I'm just there since I was asked to be. After that, I get a little break at home, then I go baby-sit. Fun, fun. I think it's been a whole year since I've watched these kids. I'm praying their cousin from Canada isn't staying over again; she was a royal pain. Yeah, I know, I lived to tell the story.

Oh, last note. I recommend the book Burned, Crank, and Impluse by Ellen Hopkins. The books look huge since she tells the story entirely in different styles of poems. They are addicting, and [surprisingly?] fast-paced. An avid reader like myself would tend to finish in around two days, give or take a few hours.

Good night, sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.




    I soooo did not know that.

  2. I understand, sometimes you have to take a breather to grasp onto friendships again. I confide in some of my friends, but it's not to the point where I trust them with every little detail. Ace, on the mural and exam. You should be really excited! I've packed on a few pounds from the holidays, but I've managed to stabilize it by pilates and soccer. Have a nice week!

  3. Ah, how could I possibly hate you? Your sharing James McAvoy with me after all. :]

    You know, I'm actually glad it's a little cold. Now I have legitimate reasons to wear my winter clothers (hat, mittens, scarves, etc.) Although I still get funny looks considering I live in Florida. All the snow birds look at me while they're wearing shorts. They think it's warm and here I am freezing my fanny off.

    Well, that was a weird little rant that I just had about the weather...

    Mm, I've been meaning to read those books, but I just have so many on my to-be-read-list. Not to metion the John Lennon books I have to read for History fair, which is due in less than 3 weeks.

    I really shouldn't be on the computer, I should be working on history far. But I know that as soon as I get off, I'll be watching Veronica Mars nonstop.

    I really need to work on my procrastination...