Just to help set the scene, it's currently pouring rain outside and The Antlers are playing in the background...
After watching Struck By Lighting (I can already tell it's going to be one of those posts where I link to anything and everything possible) I am inspired to write. And write. And maybe write some more off the Internet.
Quick aside: I spotted the perfect journal at Target today. I resisted any temptation and bought good food instead. I may have spent more money than I needed to, but you know what? THAT'S OKAY. I have delicious hummus and pita chips in my life now.
(Seriously, if you haven't heard this song, you're missing out.)
Right, on to the main point of this post: chase after what you want with determination, poise and integrity. It may be all that matters.
While I'm incredibly grateful to have two part-time jobs this summer, I owe it all to me. And although it will be nice not to be singing the broke blues, earning money is not what I should be celebrating. I should be celebrating me and the skills I have acquired and the people I've met to get me here. This sounds like I was manipulative. I prefer the word savvy and resourceful because certainly no back-stabbing was involved. It was all...me. I set the plans in motion and lined up the dominos to fall as I anticipated.
This probably sounds highly self-congratulatory. I don't care. I think I need that in my life. I'm always stepping down from the spotlight, fearful of being called arrogant or pretentious or whatever. I'm always self-sacrifcing for the benefit of others. No more. I can't live like that any longer. I need to show how confident and competent I know myself to be and the dominos will proceed to fall.
Still, I tend to second guess nearly everything. For instance, I second guessed my decision to stay in St. Paul for the summer before I knew I'd be working two part-time jobs because a decent paying part-time job just wasn't enough. I second guessed taking a shower this late in the evening. Heck, I second guessed my decision to eat a piece dark chocolate. These notions are silly and ridiculous and frankly, unhealthy. I've always admired other people who can "live in the moment" and stop "over-analyzing." I see, now, the heavy burden they shed by doing so. And while I can't stop over-analyzing completely, it's time I let certain things go too. Holding onto the should-bes and could-bes only prevents me from fully realizing the will-bes.
So eat the dark chocolate, Lizzie. You gotta do you, and it will benefit you in the long run.