I have been reluctant to write this. Mostly I've been unsure how to formulate my thoughts properly. But to avoid beating around the bush…
…I've discovered blogging doesn't make me happy anymore.
There. I said it.
Even though initially blogging wasn't about pleasing anyone else, it kinda has become that way for me. It feels shameful to even admit. Like, how could I be so shallow? How could I put my importance on the number of comments I received? I shouldn't be so disappointed when I get zero comments. Zero comments doesn't mean I'm worthless. Zero comments doesn't somehow negate my awesome experiences. (At this point I want to thank Natalie, who still consistently reads and usually comments. Also Blogger Family members in general. You all helped to keep me going longer than I probably would have otherwise.)
I kept thinking that if I just tried hard enough, I could be better. I thought if I was "better," surely the comments would follow. Yet after struggling for two-ish years at this, I finally learned that perhaps blogging isn't my scene. Except if I wasn't a blogger -- what was I? "Blogger" had become a large part of my identity. I couldn't let that go, could I?
Recently, I've embraced that videos are my preferred mode of self-expression. Perhaps you've been able to tell; my last few entires have been riddled with my latest work on YouTube. Undeniably, the satisfaction I get from finishing a video quadruples any of the satisfaction I've probably ever gotten from writing a blog post. Sadly, I know that these same posts have once again yielded zero comments. I can't -- and won't -- let that hold me back.
Still, I'm hoping to be able to blog on occasion. Feel free to subscribe to my YouTube channel, pandasinfedoras, to stay in the loop on my adventures in the meantime. I won't be offended if you don't.
Until later, alligators.